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  • #342333

    Anonymous
    [img width=700 height=466]http://oi62.tinypic.com/mcd8hz.jpg”/>

    Some jokes I have collected. Tried to offend everybody equally ;D.
    You know you are a …
    • Serb, when your whole house smells like an outhouse because you have two 100 gallon barrels of pickled cabbage in your garage.
    • Bosnian, if you start and end every sentence with a curse word.
    • Croat, if at least eight people in your extended family are named Ante.
    • Serb, if you're name after your grandfather and so are all your cousins.
    • Montenegrin, if you keep two rocks by your bedside- one to shut off the light and one to see if the window is closed.
    • Croat, if you claim that you only understand Croatian and all other languages are completely foreign to you.
    • Macedonian, if you claim to be a descendent of Alexander the Great, just to piss-off the Greeks.
    • Serb, if your uncle's name is Momčilo.
    • Bosnian, if you claim to be a devout Muslim, just so you can buy arms from Iran.
    • Croat, if your wife claimed to be a virgin at your wedding.
    • Serb, if you call Romanians, Vlasi.
    • Bosnian, if you call Serbs, Vlasi.
    • Croat from Bosnia, if your last name is Bosnjak, the Turkish word for Bosnian.
    • Bosnian, if you think your American wife will cook for you.
    • Bosnian, if you have lived in three different countries in the past fifteen years and you speak two other languages better than your own.
    • Serb, when every once in a while you get a trip to the Hague at someone else's expense.
    • Montenegrin, if you don't have to work, even when you have to work.
    • Croat from Dalmatia, if you can understand the language they speak in Belgrade better then the language they speak in Zagreb.
    • Serb, if your favorite NBA team is whatever team Vlade Divac plays for.
    • Croat, if you can somehow trace all the world's problems back to the Serbs.
    • Bosnian Muslim, if you claim to be a devout Muslim but you consume more alcohol then six Russians on a daily basis.
    • Bosnian from Krajina, if you lost your virginity to a Croatian nun named Mina or Marina.
    • Serb Fundamentalist, if you hate anything and everything Islam but you have a big beard and you look like an Afghani Mujahedeen.
    • Bosnian from Sarajevo, if you claim that Sarajevo is a cosmopolitan Euro city when in fact it is just a place to get cheap hookers and heroine.
    • Serb, if you are from the only European country in history to be bombed by NATO.
    • Montenegrin, if your grandfather died in a family vendetta.
    • Bosnian, if your smoke house is a fire hazard.
    • Serb, if you claim there is no Turkish influence in your language but you begin all your sentences with  EH VALA.
    • Croat, if you claim that Croatia is in central Europe.
    • Slovenian, if you won't admit to yourself and the rest of the world, that long ago you used to be one of these animals.

    #365752

    Anonymous

    Hehe – the last one  ;D

    YOU KNOW YOU ARE A SLAV WHEN:

    1.You had to share a room until you were 21.
    2.Everything you eat is savored in garlic and onions.
    3.You are standing next to the two largest suitcases at the airport.
    4.You arrive one or two hours late to a party – and think its normal.
    5.All your children have nick names, which sound nowhere close to their real names.
    6.You talk for an hour at the front door when leaving someone's house.
    7.Your mom tells you you're too skinny even though your 30 pounds overweight.
    8.Your house is full of medicine from your old country and it's probably all illegal here.
    9.You and your friends have ever been kicked out of a restaurant or recreational park for being too loud or rowdy.
    10.You dont know how to use a dishwasher because u are the dishwasher.
    11.You have a vinyl tablecloth on your kitchen table.
    12.You use grocery bags to hold garbage.
    13.Your dad ever butchered a pig or lamb.
    14.You don't use measuring cups when cooking.
    15.If you don't live at home, when your parents call, they ask if you've eaten, even if it's midnight.
    16.Your parents don't realize phone connections to foreign countries have improved in the last two decades, and still scream at the top of their lungs when making foreign calls.
    17. It's "normal" if your wedding has 600 people.
    18.Your 15 year old sister can out-drink any American guy.
    19.You drive a nicer car than your parents.
    20.Your dad carries around enough money to buy a car.
    21.You have all brand new appliances in your kitchen but your mom cooks in the basement with the stove from your old house.
    22.Your parents have gone on vacation ONCE and it was to your home country.
    23.You base your whole life on the fortune in your coffee cup.
    24.Your parents still prefer to buy cassettes instead of CDs.
    25. Your non-english speaking grandmother gives a shocked looked when you say 'pizza'.
    26. You wear french connection and other designer clothing when going to work out
    27. You carry liquor back here from your country in plastic sprite bottles under tons of clothing in the suitcase
    28. You have 17 consonants and 2 vowels in your last name.
    29.You're actually nodding and laughing at most of these things.

    #365753

    Anonymous
    Quote:
    Some jokes I have collected. Tried to offend everybody equally ;D.

    You know you are a …
    • Slovenian, if you won't admit to yourself and the rest of the world, that long ago you used to be one of these animals.

    This part made me lol ;D

    @Swaty, i'd add to the list this one:
    30. Your grandma can't accept the fact that you can't eat anymore.

    #365754


    Anonymous
    Quote:
    @Swaty, i'd add to the list this one:
    30. Your grandma can't accept the fact that you can't eat anymore.

    #365755

    Anonymous
    Quote:
    Hehe – the last one  ;D

    YOU KNOW YOU ARE A SLAV WHEN:

    2.Everything you eat is savored in garlic and onions.
    6.You talk for an hour at the front door when leaving someone's house.
    8.Your house is full of medicine from your old country and it's probably all illegal here.
    9.You and your friends have ever been kicked out of a restaurant or recreational park for being too loud or rowdy.
    10.You dont know how to use a dishwasher because u are the dishwasher.
    12.You use grocery bags to hold garbage.
    18.Your 15 year old sister can out-drink any American guy.
    29.You're actually nodding and laughing at most of these things.

    Hahaha, well not everything I can relate, but those above are definitely me and all me. ;)

    30. Your grandma can't accept the fact that you can't eat anymore.

    This one was also true my whole life, but unfortunately neither of my grandmothers are alive anymore.

    #365756

    Anonymous

    You know you're a southern Slav if you haven't seen baba's hair since djedo died.

    #365757

    Anonymous

    I don't like very much this "You are a Slav when"
    it is about Slavs in America

    Your house is full of medicine from your old country
    Your 15 year old sister can out-drink any American guy.

    why not to edit it for Slavs in Slavic countries

    #365758

    Anonymous

    I think its a little tough to joke about this in a Slavic country because it is the norm. In the outside world you can be compared to others. The United States of America is a place with people from all over the world, so cultural and ethnic jokes are really popular here.

    #365759

    Anonymous
    Quote:
    You know you are a …
    • Montenegrin, if your grandfather died in a family vendetta.

    Oh shit, my fathers ouncle killed someone in a vendetta. ;D

    #365760

    Anonymous

    " •  Bosnian, if you claim to be a devout Muslim, just so you can buy arms from Iran.
    •  Croat, if your wife claimed to be a virgin at your wedding.
    •  Serb, if you call Romanians, Vlasi.
    •  Bosnian, if you call Serbs, Vlasi.
    •  Croat from Bosnia, if your last name is Bosnjak, the Turkish word for Bosnian. "

    hahahahahahahah

    #365761

    Anonymous
    Quote:

    • Serb Fundamentalist, if you hate anything and everything Islam but you have a big beard and you look like an Afghani Mujahedeen.

    • Serb, if you claim there is no Turkish influence in your language but you begin all your sentences with  EH VALA.

    ;D http://ts2.mm.bing.net/images/thumbnail.aspx?q=4949009710121165&id=e3381fc7db7a6ca3da1427be9755a269

    Hahahaha veoma smešno bre!!!

    #365762

    Anonymous

    What's up with American view on Slavs and track tops?  ;D I haven't seen anyone in it for months, really wtf

    image

    image

    Check 1:06 – Yuri in new upcoming Hollywood movie:
    Chernobyl Diaries – Exclusive Clip

    seriously??;D

    #365763

    Anonymous
    Quote:
    What's up with American view on Slavs and track tops?  ;D I haven't seen anyone in it for months, really wtf

    image

    image

    Yuri in new upcoming Hollywood movie:
    Chernobyl Diaries – Exclusive Clip

    seriously??;D

    Because Americans get all their Slav stereotypes from Russians. Depressing and foggy cities, tracksuits, vodka, fur hats, names, it's mostly Russian ;D

    #365764

    Anonymous

    I am writing this in track tops 😮

    God damn it…

    #365765

    Anonymous
    Quote:
    What's up with American view on Slavs and track tops?  ;D I haven't seen anyone in it for months, really wtf

    Come to Belgrade :)

    I believe it's an eastern European thing, since we all have one 'trenerka' in the closet, which you wear casually. What's there to say, we like to train a lot. There was once a brand called YASSA (Jugoslovenski Asortiman Sportskih Artikala).

    image

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