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    Pitali Lalu kol'ko često j*be. Kaže Lala: ta jednom.
    A ovi ga pitaju: šta jednom? Jednom dnevno, jednom mesečno?
    Kaže lala: ta jednom godišnje.
    –a ove godine?
    –pa ove godine se malo proredilo.

    Two guys talking about sex
    1. guy: so how often do you get some action?
    2. guy: well….Once.
    1.guy:  once per day, week?
    2. guy: once per year.
    1.guy: how about this year?
    2. guy: well, not so often.

    the translation is free, because the joke is about Lala(person who lives in Banat, east part of Vojvodina(Serbia)).



    Voze se tri Bosanca i Slovenac. Jedan Bosanac stalno izvija vrat.
    Pita ga Slovenac: Šta ti je
    -Posledica rata jarane.
    Drugi Bosanac trza ramenom. Slovenac ga pita šta mu je,
    -Iz rata jarane.
    A treći Bosanac trlja prst o prst(palac o kažiprst). Pita Slovenac:
    -Jel i tebi to iz rata.
    -Nije jarane, meni je iz nosa. ;D
    Yugoslavs will understand



    Kórejec sa motá okolo salaša, ide bača a pýta sa ho:
    „Počúvaj, čo sa tu moceš, ako sa voláš?“
    „Ja som Kim Tsu Tchan,“ hovorí Kórejec.
    „Ty si debil, a nie Kysučan! Ja Kysučanov veľmo dobre poznám!“

    @Slovaks and Moravaks, what about this joke? Is there a stereotype about Kysučani?



    Zove Mujo da prijavi kradju,
    I kaze Policajcu da hoce da bude anoniman
    Pa da poslje nije "Mujo ovo,Mujo ono"



    Se vozijo na vlaku Američan, Kitajec, Bosanec in Slovenec.
    Reče Kitajec. "Mi imamo toliko riža, da ga lahko mečemo skozi okno!"
    Odpre okno in vrže skozi vrečo riža.
    Reče Američan: "Mi imamo pa toliko denarja, da ga lahko mečemo skozi okno!"
    In odpre okno ter vrže skozi vrečo denarja.
    Slovenec pogleda Bosanca, ta pa reče:
    "Da ne bi niti pomislil!"

    No ofence, bros. It's just a joke.

    Blondinka se tušira pri odprtih vratih, nakar pride prijateljica
    in jo vpraša "zakaj se tuširaš pri odprtih vratih?".
    -"Da me moški ne morejo gledati čez ključavnico."

    There are also lots of jokes with Hitler and the but I believe they're not suitable …



    Po šestih letih se je Gorenjec vrnil domov v Kranj. Na Kranjski železniški postaji je brez uspeha iskal svoja brata, ki naj bi ga pričakala. Končno je dvojica bradatih mož pristopila k njemu:
    “Ali naju res ne prepoznaš?”
    “Kdo pa sta vidva?”
    “Tvoja brata!”
    “Vidva sta? Zakaj imata pa tako dolgi bradi?”
    “Ko si odhajal od doma si vzel britvico s seboj!”



    …A guy walks into a bar. "OUCH!"he said…

    …Baby seal walks into a club… what a tragedy… ::)



    This is one's one of my all-time favorite jokes, because it also sums up some fundamental wisdom about life:

    A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground in a large field. While it was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on it. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, it began to realize how warm it was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug it out and ate it.

    Moral of the story:
    – Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
    – Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
    – When you’re in deep shit, it’s best to keep your mouth shut!



    Stoji narkoman ispred ogledala, gleda se pokusava se sjetit neceg vec sat vremena. Nailazi mu majka i veli:
    – Sine Borko, sta to radis?
    – A daaaaaaa, Borko!



    Great Puns:

    "Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now."

    "I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down."

    "I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me."

    "It's not that the man did not know how to juggle, he just didn't have the balls to do it."

    "I couldn't quite remember how to throw a boomerang, but eventually it came back to me."



    Fred and Mary got married and coud not afford a honeymoon, so they went
    back to Fred's Mom and Dad's house for their first night together.

    In the morning,
    Johnny, Fred's little brother, got up and had his breakfast.
    As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his mom if Fred and Mary are up yet.

    She replies, 'No'.

    Johnny asks, 'Do you know what I think?'

    His mom replies, 'I don't want to hear what you think!
    Just go to school.'

    Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom, 'Are Fred and Mary up yet?'

    She replies, 'No.'

    Johnny says, 'Do you know what I think?'

    His mom replies, 'Never mind what you think!
    Eat your lunch and go back to school '

    After school, Johnny comes home and asks again, 'Are Fred and Mary up yet?'

    His mom says, 'No.'

    He asks, 'Do you know what I think?'

    His mom replies, 'Ok, now tell me what you think?'

    He says: 'Last night Fred came to my room for the Vaseline, and I
    think..I gave him my super glue. !!



    One I picked up during my current stay in Austria. It's about Vienna dialect …

    A woman goes to a trip to Vienna. There she meets her Viennan friend and together they go the botanic garden. The woman sees a lovely flower and askes her friend for the name. He answers "Pinka Potanica". Fine. They move on and she sees another nice flower. "What about this one?" and again "Pinka Potanica". And so also the third and forth were "Pinka Potanica". Weird! So she asks him, how come, that they're all called the same way. And then he finally says "Na, ich sagte, ich binn kein Botaniker!" ::)



    What would happen if in Slovakia would explode nuclear bomb?

    … We would exchange anthem with Czechs – Slovaks will sing Where is my home? and Czechs will sing There's lightning over Tatras  ;D

    Is there a stereotype about Kysučani?

    Kysuce is traditional region in Northwestern Slovakia…. it's known especially for being poor and having harsh winters with tons of snow :) Yes, we have many jokes about people there, but for stereotypes, personally I don't know any (but that doesn't have to mean there is no stereotype) Kysučania are also usually strong localpatriots, afaik.

    [img height=500]” />



    one that probably everybody knows  :)

    Брежнев смотрел на себя в зеркало и думал:
    – да, я стар, я очень стар… я супер стар!



    Q: What's the difference between  Red Sea Pedestrian and a pizza?

    A: A pizza won't scream when it's tossed in an oven. 

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